


Risk It All For You

by NeonDomino



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gay Sirius Black, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, M/M, Remus Lupin Loves Sirius Black, Sirius Black Loves Remus Lupin, Sirius Black Needs a Hug, Sirius Black is not sensible, Sirius Black's shitty upbringing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:55:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25506289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeonDomino/pseuds/NeonDomino
Summary: "I'll prove it to you," Sirius replied, his voice breaking. It was supposed to be a yes or no. Not this. Not something that meant he was so close to being with Remus, but still had this large wall between them. "I'll prove that you're my everything, just give me time to work out how."When Remus tells Sirius that they can't be together, Sirius sets out to prove him wrong.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 64





	Risk It All For You

**Author's Note:**

> **Originally written in 2014**

* * *

"Remus, I'm in love with you."

Sirius hadn't expected the long silence that had followed his statement, nor did he expect the look of shock that flashed over the Werewolf's face. He had hoped for acceptance, happiness, or maybe even love.

It was just after midnight, and the last of the students had gone to bed, leaving him and Remus alone in the Common Room. He had started his homework, and Remus had stayed up to help him with it. Not that the homework mattered to him in the slightest, he just wanted something to keep him up until he could be alone with Remus.

Just him and Remus.

He knew he couldn't go home for the holidays tomorrow without telling the Werewolf how he felt. He needed his friend to know the truth. In a few weeks, they would return for their seventh year, and he wanted that year with Remus. The distance between their beds was more than he could bear. He wanted to be able to sleep with the other boy wrapped tightly in his arms. Just to be able to hold him.

Sirius had put it off for so long now, hoping to find out if Remus felt anything for him, but he hadn't been able to work it out. The only way of finding out was to admit his own feelings and ask him.

But the silence, the cruel silence that hurt his ears, and made his body shake. It allowed him to be trapped, not knowing what to think. Not knowing whether to celebrate Remus returning his feelings, or mourn his one sided love for the amber eyed Werewolf.

If there was something there, no matter how tiny, Sirius would hold onto that feeling, and prove to Remus that he was the right man to fall in love with. That any feeling, no matter how small, could grow and grow. It could lead to something amazing and perfect and wonderful. Something they could feel for eternity.

But Remus could always so no. The silence could be because Remus didn't want to hurt his feelings. He only hoped that if Remus did say no, that they would at least be friends still.

It was Sirius who finally broke the quiet. His voice feeling very loud against the quietude of the Common Room.

"Do you... do you feel anything more than friendship for me? Love, a crush? Butterflies... just anything at all? Please tell me that you've looked at me even once and seen something more than just a friend," Sirius begged.

Remus' gaze dropped to the floor. "I have," he admitted, and Sirius felt his heart pounding in his chest. Those words were perfect. They were amazing. Remus felt something for him.

"But we can't do this."

Remus sounded so certain, so clear over that statement that Sirius felt his heart drop. He had thought after the first words, that Remus would be his. How cruel to give him hope, just to snatch it away again.

"What?" he asked, staring at his friend in disbelief. If Remus felt something, surely that meant they could be together? He was too in love with Remus to give this up. He would never give up as long as Remus felt anything for him, he would find a way to make this happen.

Maybe Remus didn't understand the extent of his feelings? Maybe laying it all out there would work? That's what James did the week before with Lily, and she actually gave him permission to owl her over the holidays.

"Remus, I'm in love with you," he said, reaching for Remus' chin, pulling it up and getting Remus to meet his gaze. "I would do _anything_ to make you happy. I want to be with you more than I've ever wanted anything in my entire life. Something is telling me you're the one for me. You... you are my everything. Please don't break my heart. Maybe if you gave me one chance, one date and I can show you how perfect we could be together -" he pleaded, but Remus interrupted him.

"I'm sorry Sirius," he said, placing a hand on Sirius' and allowing Sirius to turn his own over, grasping his hand desperately. "I have feelings for you, but it just can't be. You're Sirius Black, the heir to the Black family. what would happen if your family found out you're gay? You've kept that a secret for a year, and I just see this being a secret you will carry with you for the rest of your life. As much as I would love to just be with you, and trust me - I want to be with you too... so much, I deserve more than hiding in the shadows as your family force you to marry a pure-blooded girl. I can't spend my life hoping to see you on nights you can sneak away from your wife and children."

"You won't be hiding in the shadows -" Sirius started to insist.

"I would be," Remus replied, bitterly. The bitterness was not at Sirius, it was at the thought of what they could never have because of the Blacks. "I've thought about this _so many times_. If I let this start, I'll never be able to let go of you. The problem is if I let myself fall in love with you, I'd never be able to move past this, or get over you when your family take control. I'd wait for the stolen nights, and I'd be alone because I'd never want to have anyone else, so I'd basically be living just for the rare nights when I get to be with you. I'd be alone whilst you are with your wife and children. I'd have no-one."

"Remus -" Sirius pleaded.

If I allowed us to be anything, I'd be nothing more than a male version of a mistress," Remus said, cutting Sirius off again. "I'm sorry Sirius, but I think I'm worth more than that."

"I'll prove it to you," Sirius replied, his voice breaking. It was supposed to be a yes or no. Not this. Not something that meant he was so close to being with Remus, but still had this large wall between them. "I'll prove that you're my everything, just give me time to work out how."

Remus' eyes wouldn't meet his.

"Just give me until the end of the holidays," he begged. "When we come back, I'll have some sort of plan, an idea. I promise. Just wait for me until then, please, I'm only asking this one thing from you. I'm not asking you to wait forever, just six weeks." He could hear the upset in his voice, and Remus could too. A hand pressed against his cheek, rubbing away a tear he hadn't realised was on his face. His own hand covered it, and a pair of perfect lips pressed against his cheek, before Remus pulled away and headed towards the stairs, leaving Sirius sitting alone.

Sirius thought about ways to make the wall between them crumble. He had two choices. He could get Remus to agree to run away with him the minute they finished school. Just apparate to a remote location where his family would never look for him. They could live in the Muggle world so he wouldn't be recognised by them.

But that would mean that they'd spend their life hiding. There was a war brewing and he suspected Remus wouldn't turn his back on that. James certainly wouldn't and Sirius wasn't sure he could walk away rather than protect James and their other friends.

Or he could tell his family, and face the fallout.

* * *

Sirius already knew he wasn't quite right in the head, after all, that's what came from generations of inbreeding. But even he knew this was the most insane thing he would ever do in his life. The most insane and dangerous thing.

But if this is what it took to be with Remus, then this is what he had to do. This would crumble that fragile wall standing in the way of him and the one person in the world that he knew he was supposed to be with.

There would be nothing stopping him and Remus being together.

"Mother, I'm not going to marry Narcissa," he said. "I don't want to be with her, in fact I refuse to get married to anyone you choose, ever."

He thought his mother was going to explode, her face was turning purple. He saw his brother's jaw drop.

"If I do get married, it will be to a man. You see, I'm in love."

He took in the expressions on his parents face's and he knew that he was in some deep trouble. Regulus went pale, his head shaking. He mouthed 'no', giving him a warning look. His face full of fear for his brother.

But this was the only way to be with Remus. He would risk everything for him.

* * *

As he lay on the floor, gasping for breath, he wondered what made his mother more angry. The fact that he was in love with a man, or the fact that the man was a half-blood.

As he dragged himself to the fireplace, and called out Remus' address with his last whisper of breath, he wondered if Remus really felt something for him, or if this was all in vain. Even if he didn't, Sirius felt the sense of freedom flow through him. One that he had longed for, for such a long time.

He would do anything to be with Remus. He would give everything up, he would risk everything he had for the man that he was hopelessly in love with, even if it was a very small chance of them being together, that's all he needed. If Remus felt anything, that meant he could get Remus to love him back.

No matter what his parents put him through that evening, no matter what his other friends or family would say, no matter that he was disowned. He was strong enough to go through all that, if Remus was waiting on the other side for him. Remus was the only one that would ever be able to break him.

He landed in another fireplace, and lay there, trying to draw a breath. His body was on fire, and he could feel the wet blood on his skin. He wasn't able to move or even focus his gaze. The light hurt his eyes and he closed them, just as he heard footsteps coming into the room.

There was a scream, and the woman called for Remus and John. Sirius was relieved that he was in the right house at least.

Moments later, he heard the one voice that he always longed to hear. "Sirius, oh fuck, Sirius. Wake up, please."

Couldn't Remus see that he was awake? He tried to open his eyes, but he felt so weak.

"Dad, help him," came the angelic voice, and he felt arms under him lifting him up, making his skin burn where his parents had left the marks. Where his skin was ripped to shreds.

Although he didn't have the energy to speak, energy wasn't needed to shout out in agony.

"Shit, he's bleeding," came Remus' panicked voice. "Sadistic bastards -"

"Remus," his mother scolded, but her voice was full of concern, and Sirius knew they were following Remus' father through the house.

"It's true, his family did this, I know it. His own parents... is he going to be alright?"

The pain overtook him, and he slipped out of consciousness.

* * *

"Sirius, what happened?" a voice said, and Sirius felt a hand stroking over his, gentle fingers tracing patterns. Sirius shifted slightly, and could feel bandages wrapped around him. As his eyes opened, he could see he was laying in a bed, and surrounded by bookcases.

He knew he was in Remus' bed.

"I'm free," he whispered. "Told them."

"You told them what?"

"I told them that I wasn't going to marry a woman," Sirius whispered, his throat hurting. He recalled doing a lot of screaming when his parents heard the truth. He had screamed until there were no sounds coming out of him. "Told them that if I get married, it would be to a man. Told them I was in love."

"What made you do that?" The voice was full of confusion.

"Because I'd rather give it all up, then never have your love at all," Sirius whispered. "My family, my status, my inheritance, my reputation... everything for you, Remus."

"Sirius," Remus replied, his voice pained. "I never wanted you to get hurt like this, there had to be another way."

"Nope, this was the only way," he responded. It was true, it was the only way his parents would not want anything to do with him in the future. "But it doesn't matter now, it's done and I'm free. No arranged marriage, and no hiding my sexuality. I would do anything to be with you. I'd risk everything, and I won't ever give up as long as you feel something for me. I wasn't lying when I said I love you above everything else."

A body settled next to his, arms wrapping around him gently.

"I love you too," Remus whispered. "I never thought I'd tell you that, because I wanted us both to move on. I never thought we'd be together... I would do anything for you too. You can stay here from now on, my parents already agreed. You can't go back there."

"Is..." he began, his eyes feeling heavy again. "Is there anything else stopping us from being together?" He could only whisper now. It would take days to fix his throat, even with spells, it was very damaged. "I couldn't think of anything else, so let me know, and I'll fix it, so nothing will be in our way."

"No, you've done enough already," Remus replied, pulling him closer. This was all his fault for doubting Sirius.

"Is this real, or not real? Am I really with you? Do you really want to be with me?" came the scared whisper.

Remus would never doubt him again. The other Wizard had given everything up for him. He hated ever doubting Sirius. He would never forgive himself for this.

He didn't even understand why, all he knew was that Sirius had chosen him over everything, and he would prove himself worthy for Sirius' love,

Somehow.

"It's real, love," he said. "It's very real. There is nothing standing in our way."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> **[Come visit me on Tumblr](https://neondomino.tumblr.com/) **


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